raugust's Blog

You know you’re a nut when...



You know you're a nut when...
... you pour Tabasco sauce on chocolate ice cream.
... you try to invent new flavors of ice cream such as "beef stew," "roast pork," "filet mignon," "tilapia," or "drug rehab nightmare."
... you listen to Amy Winehouse's new CD 15 times straight through.
... you look at Amy Winehouse and think she's pretty.
... you do your best at your job and get paid absolutely nothing for it, when some goldbricker (not the boss!) gets credit and money for your work.
... you chug vodka and watch Joel Osteen on TV.
... you watch Joel Osteen, period.
...  you are totally convinced that Oprah Winfrey is the reincarnation of Jesus Christ.
... you find talking to yourself totally beats conversation with other people.
... your idea of an adult fantasy is having your body wrapped in barbed wire while being caressed by the Bride of Frankenstein, with music by Tiny Tim blaring overhead.
... you borrow tired old jokes from comedians past their prime and try to make an audience laugh.
... you guzzle Listerine because it tastes good and gets you drunk.
... you are totally convinced that you can buy real music at Best Buy, and end up with 20 CDs by The Pussycat Dolls, XZibit, Snoop Dogg, Marilyn Manson, and any assortment of "American Idol" rejects.
...  you totally read Playboy for the articles.
...  you even read Playboy at all.
... your birthday is the 83rd of November in the year 3000, and you were really born on the Fourth of July in 1986.
... you walk right past the guy whose best man you were at his wedding, and do not even acknowledge his presence.
... you believe that some lying State Governor will actually use casino gambling revenues to reduce your property taxes.
... you actually believe that George W. Bush was the greatest President of modern times.
-- you believe that Halliburton is actually lowering gasoline prices and improving Iraq's petrochemical infrastructure.
... you actually read to the end of this series of jokes.
... you actually wrote this series of one-liners.